Navigating Life Transitions: Finding Your Path Through Change
Standing at the threshold of change can feel like being caught between two worlds - the familiar life we've known and the uncertain future ahead.
As William James, the father of modern psychology, wisely noted, "Life is in the transitions." These words have never felt more relevant than in my work as a coach, where I witness the profound impact of life's major turning points.
Think about the significant transitions in your own life - perhaps getting married, welcoming a child, watching that child leave for college, moving to a new city, changing careers, retiring, or experiencing the loss of a relationship or loved one. These moments, which typically occur three to five times throughout our lives, reshape not just our daily routines but our very sense of who we are.
Through my work with clients navigating these pivotal moments, I've come to understand transitions as a three-part journey: honoring where we've been, embracing the messy middle, and opening ourselves to what comes next.
I’d like to share how this played out in my own experience of becoming an empty nester.
Honoring Where We've Been
Every transition begins with an ending. Before we can step forward, we must acknowledge where we've come from - our legacy, our experiences, and the person we've been. This isn't just about nostalgia; it's about recognizing the wisdom and strength we've gained along the way.
In my own life, I deeply loved the years spent nurturing my children at home. When each of them left for college, it initially felt like a victory - a celebration of their independence and the exciting new chapters ahead for all of us. I honored this phase by celebrating their achievements and recognizing the solid foundation we had built together.
The Messy Middle
Perhaps the most challenging phase of any transition is what is often called "the messy middle." This is where we find ourselves between who we were and who we're becoming. It's a time of sitting with uncertainty, questioning our identity, and sometimes feeling completely unmoored from our usual sense of self.
During my children's college years, I experienced this "messy middle" as they spent increasingly more time away from home. When neither of them spent last summer at home, I was surprised by an unexpected wave of sadness. Watching their opportunities and adventures take them further from home felt bittersweet.
As Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde beautifully expresses, "A part of us dies in the going, for we must relinquish a past version of ourselves to become the person waiting for us on the other side."
Embracing What's Next
The final phase of transition involves opening ourselves to new possibilities. This doesn't mean immediately jumping into action, but rather allowing ourselves to dream, to envision what might be possible. What do we want to bring forward from our past? What new aspects of ourselves are we ready to explore?
In my current stage, as my young adult children establish their lives in new cities after college, I've encountered another layer of transition I didn't expect. While it's exactly as it should be, there's been another round of processing loss as I've come to understand that my home is no longer their primary home. Yet within this space of change, I've discovered new opportunities to explore passions, deepen my learning, and expand my coaching career. The very emptiness that once felt daunting now opens up possibilities for personal growth and new adventures.
Moving Forward
As we face life's transitions - whether chosen or thrust upon us - we have the opportunity to approach them with intention and awareness. By honoring our past, accepting the uncertainty of the present, and remaining open to future possibilities, we can navigate these changes with greater wisdom and grace.
If you're standing at the threshold of change, know that this space - however uncomfortable - holds the seeds of transformation. Your strengths, values, and past experiences have prepared you for this moment, and with support and patience, you can emerge stronger and more aligned with your authentic self.
Coming Soon:
What Now? Circle Offering
One of the most significant insights I've gained in my work is the power of navigating transitions with others. Whether through coaching, support groups, or connections with others experiencing similar changes, sharing our journey can provide crucial understanding and support.
I invite you to join my colleague Jennifer Reece and me for a group coaching opportunity beginning on March 25, 2025. We will work in a Circle format on the path of transition in a transformative six-week journey. While our experiences are unique, we're not alone in navigating life's significant shifts.
